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21 November 2009 @ 09:31 pm
And I Pray to God  

Title: And I Pray to God
Warning:child abuse, hurt/comfort
Word Count: 1,110
Summery: Jared's life through prayrs
Disclaimer: Hi, Im Spnfreak15 and I own nothing!

Jared prayed every night; he always has, for as long as he can remember.

4 years old

Dear God,

Please let mommy and daddy and Jeffy stay safe tonight, and please let me not have any nightmares about the monster Jeffy told me about today. Thank you, Jared.

4 years and 6 months old.

Dear God,

Thank you for always keeping mommy and daddy and Jeffy safe, and thank you for the new baby that mommy says is going to come in a couple months.

Thank you, Jared.

5 years old.

Dear God,

Mommy said something bad happened. She said I’m not going to have a baby sister anymore. I asked her if I was going to have a brother instead and she said no, and got real upset. Jeffy says it’s because mommy was real excited about the baby, and now she can’t have it. Why can’t she have it? Daddy seems real upset too. But at least they are all okay, right?

Thank you, Jared.

5 years and 2 months old.

Dear God,

What happened to mommy? Today she didn’t wake up from her nap… Jeffy made me go to my room and I couldn’t come out for the rest of the night. I heard daddy yelling and crying. Why is daddy so upset? Please make them all feel better.

Thank you, Jared.

5 years 2 months and a week old.

Dear god,

Where is mommy? We went to something I had to dress up for, in real nice clothing. I think it was a party, because a lot of people went. There were pictures everywhere, of mommy and daddy, and me and jeffy too. There were also lots of flowers, but mommy wasn’t there. I was thinking it was a party for her, because she has been gone, like a “were happy your home” party, but she never showed up. Everyone was crying, do you think they were mad she didn’t come? I asked jeffy and he yelled at me, and told me mommy wasn’t coming at all, and mommy was never going to come back. What did he mean?

Thank you, Jared.

6 years old.

Dear god,

Daddy hit Jeffy today. He had been drinking that gross smelling stuff like he always does since mommy left… died I mean. I didn’t even realize that’s what happened until my goldfish, flippy, stopped moving. Jeffy told me he was with mommy and the baby now. I didn’t know what he meant. He told me mommy died, and so did my fish.

Daddy got angry with Jeffy because he broke a glass. He screamed and hit him in the face. Jeffy told me to go to my room, but I watched from the stairs. Daddy was so mad; he kept telling Jeffy that he was stupid, and not good for anything. He never got mad about a glass being broken before. Why was he so mad?

Thank you, Jared.

6 years and 6 months old.

Dear god,

Why is daddy so mean? He keeps hitting Jeffy. Even when Jeffy doesn’t do anything. Daddy was going to hit me today, but Jeffy screamed at him and told him I didn’t do anything. Jeffy made me go to my room, and this time I couldn’t hide on the stairs and watch. I could still hear them though, and it sounded bad. Why does daddy keep hurting Jeffy?

Thank you, Jared.

7 years and 5 months old.

Dad hit me today. Jeffy couldn’t stop him like he usually does. I was hungry, but we didn’t have any food. Dad hasn’t gone shopping in a while. He yelled at me that I was ungrateful, and he said that If I wanted food so badly, I could go and get a job, like Jeffy. He slapped me across the face and when I started to cry he picked me up and tossed me into my room yelling about how I wasn’t a baby, and only babies cry. When Jeffy got home he was real mad. He went to talk to Dad, but he didn’t come talk to me for the rest of the night. Why did this happen to us?

Thank you, Jared.

14 years old.

I know I haven’t talked in a while, but…

Dad broke my arm today. He pushed me down the stairs.

Jeff isn’t here to protect me anymore.


17 years old.

There is a new kid at school. He talked to me; no one ever talks to me.

He asked me how I got the bruise on my arm; I told him I fell off my bed.

He believed me.

17 years and 1 month

The new kid wants to come over. I told him no.

17 years and 1 month and a week

The new kids name is Jensen. He gave me his sandwich when he saw I didn’t have any food.

No one ever paid attention before, why now?

17 years and 2 months

Jensen took me over to his house today. I told Dad I had to work.

I had dinner with his family. They laughed and were all together

Why can’t my family be like that?

17 years and 3 months.

Today I told Jensen the truth. He cried, real honest to god, he cried.

Then he pulled me into his arms and told me nothing was ever going to happen to me again.

I wish I believed him.

17 years and 4 months

Today Dad beat the shit out of me. Turns out he found out that I was hanging out with Jensen instead of going to work.

I didn’t go to school. I wonder if Jensen will even notice.

17 years, 4 months and three days.

Jensen found out Dad beat me again. How could he not when my eye is black and my lip is cut?

I told him to leave it alone. He drove me to the hospital.

17 years 4 months and two weeks.

Dads going to Jail. The hospital called child services and they said they had more than enough evidence to put him away.

I have nowhere to go.

17 years, 5 months

I’ve been staying with Jensen and his family, it’s been really nice.

Last night we were up talking all night. Then he kissed me.

I’m happy for the first time since I was 5.

17 years and 5 months and a week old

Today Jensen made love to me. I know that sounds cheesy and weird, but that’s what it was. Pure love.

I love him.

17 years 5 months one week and a day old.

Dear God.

Thank you for sending me Jensen.

Tags: ,
magsermagser on November 22nd, 2009 03:34 am (UTC)
Gorgeous, Sad but gorgeous.
Samspnfreak15 on November 22nd, 2009 04:01 am (UTC)
thank you :)
nickdevilancenickdevilance on November 22nd, 2009 03:49 am (UTC)
*sniffles* Why you gotta be so awesome? This made me sad and happy at the same time. How does that happen?
Samspnfreak15 on November 22nd, 2009 04:03 am (UTC)
Thank you!

*gives you a tissue* Uhm, I don't know, but its kind of what I was going for so, mission accomplished!

Thanks for commenting!
sn_143snsn_143sn on November 22nd, 2009 04:27 am (UTC)
So Jared stop thanking God after he turned 7. Glad he started again now that he met Jensen. So did Jeff die or run away.
This was really a beautiful piece of writing
Samspnfreak15 on November 22nd, 2009 04:31 am (UTC)
Yeah, I figure he didn't have much to thank god for. Untill Jensen that is.

And I was thinking Jeff Ran away, or moved away. I think if Jeff died then it would have been a bigger deal, so Im sticking with he ran away(my stories have a mind of there own, they do what they want, seriously)
Danitwivamp92 on November 22nd, 2009 06:03 am (UTC)
god this was absolutely amazing.
I loved it, great job
Samspnfreak15 on November 22nd, 2009 02:56 pm (UTC)
Wow thanks! Im glad you liked it.
fanofsuperfanofsuper on November 22nd, 2009 01:35 pm (UTC)
Poor Jared, that is a lot to go through & I'm glad that he found Jensen to help him

If Jeff did run away, he should have taken Jared with him. He knew what would happen if he left him there
Samspnfreak15 on November 22nd, 2009 02:58 pm (UTC)
Well if Jeff took him with him then he never would have met Jensen.

Jeff probably wanted to take Jared with him, but he couldnt. Maybe he was planning on going back for him later. I dont know lol.

Thanks for the comment!
fanofsuperfanofsuper on December 2nd, 2009 02:45 am (UTC)
Jared & Jensen were meant to be so I am sure they would have met either way

To protect Jared all Jeff had to do was tell someone what was going on. They could have stayed together as a family

You're welcome
supernatangel67supernatangel67 on November 23rd, 2009 10:05 pm (UTC)
AMAZING!!! Sad in the beginning and sweet at the end!! Loved it
Samspnfreak15 on November 23rd, 2009 10:49 pm (UTC)
thank you!
Aliciaextremespndiva on March 10th, 2010 06:54 am (UTC)
Oh damn...I seriously started crying at that last line. Love this!
Samspnfreak15 on March 10th, 2010 02:37 pm (UTC)
aww thanks!