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26 April 2012 @ 01:20 pm
Don't Say Calm Down  
Title: Don't Say Calm Down
Rating: PG
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Word Count: 693
Disclaimer: I don't know or own any of these people, I'm just borrowing names and faces.
Summary: Jensen has a panic attack and Jared calms him down.

Author's Note: This was written for the very last round at blindfold_spn and I just never reposted it to my journal. For being written for a kink meme of sorts, its very very not kinky at all. I also based Jensen's panic disorder on my own.

Jared can tell right away that Jensen is having a panic attack. The signs are pretty obvious to him by now. Jensen is biting inside the left side of his lower lip. Jared’s licked across that spot inside and knows that it is thicker than any other spot because of how much Jensen bites at it.

Jensen is also playing with his shirt collar. Jared knows this is because Jensen often tends to feel his pulse at his neck, or place his hand over his heart, to see if he is getting too worked up, and likes to keep his hand in that area for quick access. Feeling his heart racing calms Jensen down, Jared guesses. He doesn’t know why, but if it works then so be it.

Most of the time, Jensen can calm himself down when he is having a panic attack. However, sometimes, for some reason, it takes a hold of Jensen and shakes him until he is completely flipping out. Jared can tell that Jensen has probably been trying to calm himself down for a while, his eyes are slightly glazed over and he looks tired. Jared thinks he should probably go intervene.

“Hey.” Jared says and sits down next to Jensen. “How are you doing?”

“Peachy.” Jensen says quickly, then goes back to biting his lip.

Jared feels Jensen’s forehead. “You are cool as a cucumber.” Jared smiles “No fever, you are okay, Jensen.” Jared tells him.

Jensen’s panic disorder stems from the fear he is going to throw up. As a child, Jensen’s subconscious linked having a fever and throwing up together. Logically, Jensen knows just because he has a fever, that doesn’t mean he is going to throw up, and that you can throw up without having a fever, but logic and panic attacks don’t go hand in hand.

“Thank you.” Jensen says quickly. Jensen talks way too fast when he is having a panic attack. Jared thinks its because he doesn’t like having his mouth open. “I couldn’t find a thermometer.”

“Well you are fine.” Jared says. “Take some deep breaths with me, alright? In through the nose....out through the mouth.” Jared says, breathing while doing so.

Jensen breaths along with him shakily a few times, but then he makes a pitiful noise and claws at his throat.

“Jensen.” Jared says “You are fine, this is just a panic attack, you are not going to throw up.” Jared says gently. “Just keep telling yourself that baby. You are fine, you are okay, its just a panic attack.”

Jensen swallows over and over and tries to get himself under control. Jared runs his fingers through Jensen’s hair soothingly and keeps saying the mantra to Jensen.

One of the PA’s comes over to see if everything is alright. Jared smiles at her and tells her everything is fine, that Jensen is just a little worked up.

“Okay, well just...calm down.” She says, obviously trying to be helpful.

Jensen takes a quick, deep breath in and Jared quickly smiles at the PA.

“Thanks, but I’ve got everything under control.” Jared says, dismissively. She nods and walks away.

The first time Jensen had a panic attack around Jared, Jared had told him to calm down. Jensen then went off on an angry rant about how if he COULD just ‘calm down’ he WOULD be calming down. That telling him to ‘calm down’ was not helpful in the least, and that Jared could take his ‘calm down’ and shove it.

Jared had never made the mistake of telling Jensen to calm down again.

Jared feels Jensen relaxing in his arms and smiles.

“There we go.” Jared says. “How are you now?”

“Better. Thank you.” Jensen says sleepily. Panic attacks always wore Jensen out, especially if he’d been having them over a long period of time like Jared suspects happened today.

“Want to go lay down in your trailer for a bit?” Jared asks softly.

“Only if you come with me.” Jensen smiles. Jared smiles back and nods.

Having a boyfriend with a panic disorder can be a lot of work, but Jared thinks Jensen is definitely worth it.

Current Mood: anxiousanxious
shenovashenova on April 26th, 2012 10:51 pm (UTC)
Poor Jensen it's to nice to have a panic attack but with Jared around he won need to worry as he I'll be looked after.
Sam: michaelsad4spnfreak15 on April 27th, 2012 08:12 pm (UTC)
Yup :3

Thanks for the comment :)
bluestar3317bluestar3317 on April 27th, 2012 12:37 am (UTC)
Aww, nice job! :)
Sam: omgyayspnfreak15 on April 27th, 2012 08:11 pm (UTC)
Thank you :)
Anniektrisha on April 27th, 2012 01:02 am (UTC)
Sweet and cuddly...worth a bunch of chocolate chip cookies.
Sam: Deanpenmouthspnfreak15 on April 27th, 2012 08:11 pm (UTC)
Thanks I'm glad you liked it :)