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06 April 2012 @ 02:28 pm
Fic:Hollow (Sort of Dean/Cas)  
Uhm. Okay so Nikki told me to write her a fix it for Dean/Cas. I don't write Dean/Cas so I told her not to expect anything amazing or even very long.

Turns out I should have just told her not to expect anything she asked of me, because I'm almost positive I not only DIDN'T do a fix it, but I think I just broke it more. Sorry Nikki D: I'll write you another one that's more crack and less angst, because I think crack is the only way I can do Dean/Cas fixing.

So anyway, this is SUPPOSED to be Dean/Cas, or maybe its just pre-dean/cas, I dunno really, and its awful and I'm sorry.

Word Count 638
Warnings Craptastic fic, not a fix it, spoilers for up to 7x17.

Dean should be grateful that Sam is better, and for the most part, he is. He’s glad that Lucifer isn’t partying it up in Sam’s brain anymore, and he is really glad Sam is able to sleep again. His brother looks healthier than he has in a while, and he’s probably the most ‘him’ he’s been since he came back from Hell. He has his soul, he has his memories, and he doesn’t have the devil tap dancing in his head.

And Sam is the only thing that matters, the only thing that should matter. He’s family, and the only thing Dean has left.

Except, Dean can’t help but feel the same emptiness he felt before Sam got better. That same hollow feeling that something, someone was missing. Dean tries to tell himself it’s Bobby, but he knows it’s not. That’s a different hollowness all together. No, this hollowness is one he had long before Bobby died.

This hollowness has grown since Sam got better. Dean knows why, but refuses to admit it. Refuses to acknowledge the fact that this empty feeling started when he learned of Castiel’s plan for purgatory. It grew when he learned Cas had been working with Crowley behind their backs, that Cas had been lying to them for so long. It grew when Castiel broke down the wall inside Sam’s head, and when he watched Cas take in all the souls from purgatory. It grew when he listened to the reports on the radio of the man in the trench coat calling himself God. And it grew larger still when he saw the twisted smiles of the Leviathan on Castiel’s face. When he watched as the Leviathan walked his friend’s vessel into the lake, he didn’t think that emptiness could grow any larger.

But then he met ‘Emmanuel’.

The empty feeling that had finally slowed its growing was getting larger every moment he was with ‘Emmanuel’. ‘Emmanuel’ had a wife and no memories of his life before being found on the side of a lake, no memories about who he was before, what he had done. ‘Emmanuel’ was Castiel, but he wasn't. The sort-of Castiel had no memories of Dean, of their ‘profound bond’, and Dean’s emptiness grew.

Then suddenly not-Castiel was Castiel. He had his memories, of heaven, of everything, of Dean...and of what he had done. Suddenly he had his friend back and he didn't know how to feel because the emptiness still wasn’t gone. He was still angry with Castiel for breaking his brother, and for breaking the world. And he grew angrier still when Castiel admitted he couldn’t fix the wall in Sam’s head, because that meant this was all for nothing. He was now aware Castiel was not only still alive, but had another life. Castiel now remembered all the horrible things he had done, though his intentions were good, Dean could still see the pain and guilt on his friend’s face where only hours before he had seen peace. And Sam was still going to die.

Castiel said something about shifting things, Dean wasn’t sure what he meant until he saw the angel place his hand on his brother’s head. Then, he could almost see the transfer. Castiel was taking in Sam’s crazy and Dean again didn’t know how to feel because suddenly he had his brother back, and the angel who he was so angry with looked just as horror stricken as his brother had only moments before.

And now as he drove side by side with his almost-good-as-new brother, he felt that hollowness growing because Castiel was alive. He was alive, and the Winchesters had once again broken him.

And then they just left him there, with nothing but Sam’s hallucinations and a demon nurse.

Dean should be grateful.

But he is just hollow.

Current Mood: guiltyguilty
Nikki: Supernatural - Dean Cassucksucksmile on April 6th, 2012 07:04 pm (UTC)
Sam: onemomentspnfreak15 on April 6th, 2012 09:50 pm (UTC)